i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
