I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
