Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
