Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
