So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
