dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
