Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
