where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
