my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
