better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
