why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
