Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up under a house in Key West
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