He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
