Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
