i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
