As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
even my farts smell like vagina
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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