gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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