when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The air taste purple.
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