Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
