wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
