At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
