I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
