I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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