SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
