So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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