I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
