Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
