just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
