He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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