She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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