so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
