this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
