Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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