They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Let's get the cat blown out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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