Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
