wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
