the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
