I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my being single is dangerous.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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