What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
