just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
accomplished twins. life is a go
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
