You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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