3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
