so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
