I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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