i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
