girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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