Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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