Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
