The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
