Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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