Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was like giving head to a cactus.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
