i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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